This, That and Everything

~~~The past does not have to be your prison

You have a voice in your destiny

You have a say in your life

You have a choice in the path you take~~~

                                                                                      Max Lucado

I have to tell you this journey is not as I expected it to be.  I thought the weight would just melt away, wouldn't you think when you're eating so little that i would have to just drop EACH DAY?  Well wrong!  At least with me anyway.  I really don't get it.  I eat so little but for this past week, since I saw the Doctor on Tuesday I just hover in the same spot, how can that possibly be?  I do not understand the nature of the body and it's strong handhold on keeping hold of the past.  I think my body just doesn't want to give it up and is fighting for the old me to return.  Well sorry Charlie that's not happening, eventually things are gonna have to turn around.  I'll be standing by until then. 

As much as I've tried to be careful on the amount I eat and how much I chew yesterday evening was the tell tale sign I forgot.  Not again in a long while let me tell you.  Dinner didn't agree with me, no let me rephrase that, it down right made me sick.  It was scallops which I'd had the day before as well and they'd tasted like heaven.  I'd done fine with them.  This time I think it was a combination of reheating in the microwave, you know how things can change texture once they are reheated and not chewing thoroughly.  Well some dinner barely made it down and the rest stayed lodged in what felt like 2/3's down my throat.  I have to tell you it was an awful feeling.  I almost felt like I couldn't breathe.  I kept talking to myself so I didn't panic.  I felt like I wanted to drink water and wash it down but knew I couldn't do that either.  Finally what went down came up again, and again, and again.... It took hours until I finally felt better and then not completely.  

I will be extremely careful going forward not to repeat this step.  It makes me want to run backwards to the mashed and smashed era I just left.  It's such a learning process.  This new body and my old mind.  Another cog in last nights wheel is I was watching the news while eating dinner and I think I forgot to chew the way we have to.  You have to be on top on the 'new habits' or the old ones just slip right in wanting to take over again. Distraction leads to the old ways so just beware.  It's not pleasant and not worth repeating!

Now to give you a funny, I hope I can explain it well enough, I was just thinking a few days back, since I'd really had no ill effects from eating except to feeling full fast, if I would have distress the way I'd heard others talk about or feel different if I ate the wrong thing or ate too much.  Funny how we think we're so unique and will be different than every other soul that's walked our same path.  Well I guess this proved to me, the hard way,  my body composition on the inside has been altered and will rebel if I don't follow the guidelines.  OK OK so I get it and I won't do it again anytime soon, if ever again!

Tomorrow Paul and I are going back to the guy,  I am going to walk on the treadmill and do some weights, starting at barely nothing.  Maybe this will be the jab my metabolism needs to give me a little umph and the prod my body needs to move it and loose it!