Slow and Steady

Baby steps turn into long strides!

                                                                   from my friend Carrie, in an encouraging & supportive email

I thought it time to share a little of what normal life has become.  My stall I'd say is still in progress and as I read more and get more knowledge of the way my body is coping with the new me I think perhaps until I'm able to increase my caloric count weight loss may continue at a slower pace.  Even ten years ago when I dropped a huge amount of weight it came off quickly so this is really a new endeavor for me and not one I was anticipating. 

When I talked to my sister the other day she said I should be thankful for the pounds that were gone - permanently gone - instead of focusing on what I had perceived I would be loosing.  Well I mulled over her sage words and sat down with a pencil to see how I could turn these numbers into positives that would satisfy my inner self, you know that person knocking on the inside, tapping foot impatiently, just waiting to emerge.

This was on a friends Facebook page today,

looks good to me!

I've been on this journey since December 30th, I count that as my starting point because it's the day I first met with Dr. Speakman and got my surgery date.  December 30th until today, February 20th, is 53 days, so far I've lost 33 pounds that averages .62 pounds a day. Wow did you get that over half a pound a day.  Now that doesn't sound bad, I can live with that.  Perhaps if I drop 5 pounds here or there quickly my average will stay at around a half pound a day.  That's manageable, that would still get me to goal or close to in decent amount of time.  As course as my supportive friends have pointed out repeatedly to me there is no finish line, this is a lifestyle journey and I have no time limit.  Each pound gone is a pound closer to the new healthier me.  So I'm trying to stay focused on the now and let the tomorrow take care of itself.  Much harder done than said!

One of the benefits I was reading yesterday to loosing more slowly was excess skin has a chance to firm a bit and you don't end up with as much, that's a positive as well.  I know my skin is really feeling the brunt of this.  I was never one for a dry face but I sure do have one now and I'd bet dollars to donuts that it's because of my new eating patterns.

I don't have my next check in until March 17th, almost a month away.  I'm going to just keep on keepin' on the way I've been doing until then.  I had asked him about adding a snack in and he said no, he even said I could get by on only 2 meals a day if I didn't feel I needed the third so I'm going to try not to stress on getting 800 calories, it's near impossible at this point and focus on getting enough water, and moving, moving my body daily.  That's the key more exercise.  We're off to the gym again this morning.

So not much to report, the urps from food have subsided this week, I have had a couple mornings of hmmm stomach just doesn't feel right, but it left as the day progressed.  I made it to the gym on Wednesday and didn't fall flat on my face from the dizzies, so that's a good thing too.  Learning to take things at a slower pace until my body catches up is hard.  But, I'm learning.

A Better Day!

There are no wrong turns, 

Only unexpected paths

                                             Mark Nepo

OK today I can honestly say I feel better!  No nausea today, feel a tad more umph and the most important thing is I'm down 2 pounds, finally I think my stall is over!!!  I took a selfie today just so you could see I have a smile on my face again. I do not care to repeat any of my past performances! But, they are the part of the learning process just as measuring food or choosing the right options of what I put in my mouth.  

This top is one I haven't had on in eons and it doesn't ride up on the hips.  The jeans are a size smaller than when I started the process.  Pretty good feeling let me tell you.  So this makes 32 pounds on my scales.  It's more on Dr. Speakman's about 4 pounds additional. But since I weigh myself (way more than I should :-)  on my home scales that's what my numbers are based on.

While I'm here I want to say again I love the website Bariatric Pal, it has just given me so much information and reassured me when I had doubts.  This is a great resource tool for anyone contemplating or who has already had surgery.  

Ready! Set! Pass Out!

You can't turn your back on the clock, 

But you sure can wind it up again.

                                                      Author Unkown

Well, what can I say my first outing to the gym was, hmm, an experience.  I seem to be having a lot of these lately. But, I'm still smiling and learning!  We went to the gym yesterday and I started off on the treadmill.  It's hard to know where to gauge how fast you should be walking so I started a 2 miles an hour and eventually moved it to 2.5.  Seemed like a good pace for the energy level I had.  I walked 30 minutes.  Boy I was really getting tired in the last 5 but was determined to make it to the end.

I rested a minute, took some water and went to the weights, as I'd said before I'd been cleared for these by Dr. Speakman as long as I started way low and worked myself back up.  I did the one for low back which basically you just sit in the chair and lean back, it really helps my lower back.  I usually do it at the 4 or 5 weight level and I started at 1 which was nothing so moved to 2.  I only did three sets of 10, very minimal or so I thought.

I tried a couple of other machines and the weight was just too much yet even at 1 or 0.  So I moved to one where you just push the arms up and down and it goes forward and back as you do it, I did it with no weights and still it was hard.  Wow I need to build my strength.

I moved on to what I would call the butterfly, I'm not a good gym person so I have no idea the real name is.  You sit facing forward grab the arms with your hands and pull them forward. Well about that time Paul showed up and said he thought I'd done enough for one day and that's when it hit.  The room started swimming and the blacks spots started growing.  Oh Lordy I wasn't going to pass out was I????

I made it to the bench where my water and towel was and hung my head deep breathing and talking to myself.  You're gonna be fine, you're gonna be fine, you know that power of positive thinking! Paul must have been watching because it seemed like no time he was there just telling me to take deeps breathes.

Nothing seemed to work the elevator stood not 10 feet straight in front of us and yet I knew I couldn't make it to the lower floor without landing on the floor myself.  The stairs were an absolute NO WAY!

After about 15-20 minutes we talked to one of the office guys who was with one of the maintenance people and asked if they had a wheel chair.  I thought Paul could push me to the car.  Now for any of you that know me you will know I really had to be desperate to even consider such a thing.  I began to think I was going to have to lay down on the bench the room was still acting like an ocean and the spots were still floating every which way.

The guy said they didn't the other guy said perhaps they should call the paramedics.  Amazing what fear can do as I adamantly said NO WAY!!!  I asked if he could walk on one side while Paul walked on the other and get me down the elevator.  Directly in front of the elevator on the first floor is another bench I headed to it still upright.  We waited while the gym guy ran back upstairs for a moment and I caught my breath and tried to reassure myself I WAS NOT going to pass out.  They helped me to the lobby as Paul ran out and moved the car to directly in front of the doors.  

The gym guy had disappeared and by this time I felt confident to make it to the car on my own.  I rolled the window down and stuck my head out just like a doggy.  Paul helped me inside and I flopped in the recliner as he parked the car in the garage and then he helped me to the bed. I crashed!  Two and a half hours later I emerged a little shaky but back to myself again.

Then I got the lecture you are just overdoing it, you have to take it easier, you can't do as much so soon.  Well, geez it didn't seem like that much.  But I had been sick the two days prior and I know I didn't get my water in so probably a mild case of dehydration with minimal food doesn't allow a lot of stamina for a person of my size to exercise.

All I could think about was what if I had passed out, what if they had called the paramedics what if, what if, what if.  SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I guess going forward I will go slower, I will pace myself better.  I can't remember the last time I was this dizzy, if ever.  And let me tell you I would have been mortified to have passed out at the gym. So slower, in my case, is better at least for now.

I haven't gotten on the scales this morning, waiting until I pop in the shower but come on after all this wouldn't you think they'd be kind enough to budge a little?????

Repeat Business Stinks!

We cannot start over

But we can begin now

and make a new ending

                                         Zig Ziglar

As much as I hate to say this Sunday was a repeat performance of Saturday.  So unpleasant and it lasts for hours 4 hours to be precise in my case.  We went to Costco, I wanted to pick up some gummy vitamins, I opted for the Kirkland brand Multi-vitamins and I also wanted Biotin, which many at the support group were saying helps with hair loss.  I'm all for that, I have lots of hair and I'd rather not loose it if preventable.

We also picked up a Costco rotisserie chicken which I thought once deboned, skinned and all fat removed would be so good because it's so moist.  Once home and with things put away it was way past the normal lunch time so I carefully picked out choice pieces of the juiciest pieces of chicken  (2 1/2 ounces, I weighed it) and I grabbed one of my Laughing Cow cheese wedges.  Well it didn't set I got less than half the meat down and the cheese and I knew it wasn't working.  I hoped beyond hope that I could talk away.  No such deal.  Four hours later I finally felt human again but believe me those first 2 of the 4 hours were murder.  So awful.  I really believe it was the cheese that did it.  I've only eaten it post surgery stirred into something like my eggs, I think it was too rich to each on it's own.  I DO NOT WANT TO REPEAT THIS!!!

Next on my rants today is my non-existent weight loss, I have lost nothing, well I lost one or two pounds but it returned, how is that possible I repeat it returned.  As I was saying I've lost nothing since I saw Dr Speakman on Tuesday, that will be one week tomorrow. And I purged two meals out of this last six days.  I'm eating no snacks and I doubt 3 ounces at a meal. 

Luckily someone at the support group suggested the Baratric Pal, which is a support group for those contemplating or who have already had some sort of WLS (weight loss surgery.) I went to check it out intending to look for food reactions and being sick but instead I found this great thread on what else the 3-week-stall!!  Here I am again assuming I'm such a unique individual when lo and behold I find others have already walked this walk as well.  One of the replies referenced this great article that explains what's happening.  I don't know if you're interested or not but here's the link Weight Loss Stall or Plateau.  This explains what my body is doing and even though it's still frustrating and embarrassing, I understand.  Yes I said embarrassing, here I have gone through this surgery procedure and I'm stuck at 30 pounds.  I know my Doctor said don't worry about what others say or think only listen to what I tell you and follow the plan.  So ok that's what I'm doing, following the plan.

Today marks a new milestone, Paul and I are going back to the gym.  We live in a small community called Washington City. (it's so ironic I think that I move from Washington State to Washington City, that must be a sign, lol).  Of course we are footsteps from St. George which is much larger, and has just been named the 9th best place to live for retirees.  Anyway I got sidetracked, we go to Washington City Community Rec Center, which is an amazing facility.  It has machines, like treadmills and bicycles, elliptical (the machines from Hell I think, but once I'm strong enough I'll be back on them they really burn the calories and give me a great work out, but right now I just don't have the stamina). I'm going to try and do 30 minutes on the treadmill and 15-20 on the weights.  I am sure I can manage that.

So I keep on keepin' on.  I feel like a broken record here but it's a whole new ball game and I'm trying my hardest to learn the rules as I go along.  And the kicker is the rules vary person to person.  So come on back, I'd love to have your support, and eventually I'm gonna shock us all when I say the scales are moving again!!  Oh and a final note I do see it in my clothes.  T-shirts that I had to put on the floor put my feet in and stretch out so maybe they wouldn't cling to my extended stomach just slip on like a dream now and don't hitch up my butt.  That's a good thing and believe me every little thing that's positive is a really good thing!

Positive Things in my Life that I'm thankful for today

1- I was brave enough to have surgery

2- I stick to my plan without fail

3- My clothes fit better

4- I HAVE lost 30 pounds

5- Every day my stamina returns a little bit more

6- I have family and friends that support my life style change

7- I got up this morning and the sun was shining

This, That and Everything

~~~The past does not have to be your prison

You have a voice in your destiny

You have a say in your life

You have a choice in the path you take~~~

                                                                                      Max Lucado

I have to tell you this journey is not as I expected it to be.  I thought the weight would just melt away, wouldn't you think when you're eating so little that i would have to just drop EACH DAY?  Well wrong!  At least with me anyway.  I really don't get it.  I eat so little but for this past week, since I saw the Doctor on Tuesday I just hover in the same spot, how can that possibly be?  I do not understand the nature of the body and it's strong handhold on keeping hold of the past.  I think my body just doesn't want to give it up and is fighting for the old me to return.  Well sorry Charlie that's not happening, eventually things are gonna have to turn around.  I'll be standing by until then. 

As much as I've tried to be careful on the amount I eat and how much I chew yesterday evening was the tell tale sign I forgot.  Not again in a long while let me tell you.  Dinner didn't agree with me, no let me rephrase that, it down right made me sick.  It was scallops which I'd had the day before as well and they'd tasted like heaven.  I'd done fine with them.  This time I think it was a combination of reheating in the microwave, you know how things can change texture once they are reheated and not chewing thoroughly.  Well some dinner barely made it down and the rest stayed lodged in what felt like 2/3's down my throat.  I have to tell you it was an awful feeling.  I almost felt like I couldn't breathe.  I kept talking to myself so I didn't panic.  I felt like I wanted to drink water and wash it down but knew I couldn't do that either.  Finally what went down came up again, and again, and again.... It took hours until I finally felt better and then not completely.  

I will be extremely careful going forward not to repeat this step.  It makes me want to run backwards to the mashed and smashed era I just left.  It's such a learning process.  This new body and my old mind.  Another cog in last nights wheel is I was watching the news while eating dinner and I think I forgot to chew the way we have to.  You have to be on top on the 'new habits' or the old ones just slip right in wanting to take over again. Distraction leads to the old ways so just beware.  It's not pleasant and not worth repeating!

Now to give you a funny, I hope I can explain it well enough, I was just thinking a few days back, since I'd really had no ill effects from eating except to feeling full fast, if I would have distress the way I'd heard others talk about or feel different if I ate the wrong thing or ate too much.  Funny how we think we're so unique and will be different than every other soul that's walked our same path.  Well I guess this proved to me, the hard way,  my body composition on the inside has been altered and will rebel if I don't follow the guidelines.  OK OK so I get it and I won't do it again anytime soon, if ever again!

Tomorrow Paul and I are going back to the guy,  I am going to walk on the treadmill and do some weights, starting at barely nothing.  Maybe this will be the jab my metabolism needs to give me a little umph and the prod my body needs to move it and loose it!

Drumroll Please

~~~The road may seem long

but it gets shorter

with each step we take ~~~

First Surgeons visit Post OP ----

Well I met with Dr. Speakman today and if you can't see my grin let me tell you it's HUGE.  Twenty-nine pounds since I first walked through his door on December 30th. I'm very happy with that number!

He was extremely happy with my progress, gave me the green light to go back to the gym and even use the weights as long as I started low and worked myself back up.  He's not concerned I feel like a slug and tire easily.  His first comment was, well you have just had major surgery, yes I heard all you that have told me the same thing echoing in my ears as he said it, lol lol.  He said the next 30-40 pounds will make a huge difference in my stamina even though my body will still be in the starvation mode where it's eating up the excess fat to stay alive.  So onward to loose the next 30!

I have been promoted from mashed and smashed food to chewable food, real stuff, like you all eat.  Meat, Fish, Chicken and vegetables!  I'm so happy.  He said he'd rather I didn't weigh and measure but instead each about the size of my palm and eat until I just began to feel full. This is a scary prospect for me, I think I'd rather weigh and know where I'm at but I'll do it his way.  Dr Speakman has been helping people a lot longer than I've been on this road so I trust him and his knowledge.

I wanted so bad today to get a piece of Halibut to eat, why that has been my craving I'm not sure.  The store we went to had a very very very small selection and I'd rather wait to go the Harmons (another grocery store in our area) to pick out something nice for my first adventure into foods like that.  Today I ate deli meats (I've had these before but I minced them to almost nothing before I ate).  Today I left the pieces as is and chewed and chewed and chewed and chewed.  I'm sure my fear of not chewing enough will lesson but right now I keep hearing how others have gotten sick from eating too large a pieces or too much. I'm bound and determined to avoid that at all costs.

So it was a wonderful day with positive uplifting news.  Tomorrow I'm headed to the Catholic Church's donation area to drop off my first bag of too big clothes, I'm sure this is going to be a monthly event, and one I am happy to make!

Next Doctor's visit in one month but I'll be back here long before then with more updates!

One Month Photos

I am grateful to be where I am 

vs where I was

from my friend Paula Di Giovanni

On January 2 we took the first measurements and photos of my Journey and  I thought it might be easier to do them again on the first of each month.  I couldn't find the tape measure we used last month and some of the measurements were wonky.  Perhaps we aren't hitting the same spots but I'm just gonna plug along because I know from the clothes I'm wearing things are changing and that's all that matters isn't it.  As time goes on the numbers will become more and more obvious.  I changed anywhere from a half inch to over and inch in spots.

Tomorrow is the visit with the surgeon so I will update my progress then and any changes he makes in my daily routine - some ideas to give me more energy I sure hope!!!

I look mad as a hornet in these photos but I'm really not, I just hate having my picture taken, icky but hopefully as the photo shrinks so will my aversion to the camera, lol.

Woo Hoo Have to Share

per·se·ver·ance

ˌpərsəˈvirəns/

noun

1. steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or

 delay in achieving success.

OK I tip my hat to all of you that told me I just had to relax and let things happens and you were oh so right.  Today marks the first size down!  Woo Hoo the scales are being super kind to me this week.  I'm losing approximately 2 pounds a day.  I will take it as long as it comes!  I was about blown over this morning when I stepped on the scales to have them say I had lost 26 pounds.  Now if this isn't a motivator nothing is.  My brother asked me today if I was still happy with my decision to have Gastric ByPass Surgery, my answer without hesitation or delay was an unequivocal  YES !!!!

So I went out for a 20 minute walk today and felt so good about it.  Much better than just a few days ago.  The sun was shining the sky is blue and I could walk without dragging.  Pretty soon that hitch-hiker that sits on my back will be gone and 20 minutes will seem like a minute.  I can't wait.  

So until next time ----------