Super Milestone Achieved!!!

Today's one of my biggest milestones achieved.  100 pounds lost!  I couldn't believe it when I stepped on the scales.  We've had family here visiting for the past few days, eaten out twice, feed them several times and still the scales has continued to drop.  I'm so happy and it's such a positive reinforcement to the negative buggers in my brain, that I'm on the right track and I've got it covered!

Seven Months and Counting

I have been so bad about posting to this blog.  I had full intentions of coming here after my FANTASTIC six month check up the Dr Speakman in July and here it is late August and I still haven't done it.  So today I'm catching up with last month and this month. I found this on Facebook and it sums up exactly what I'm feeling.  

 

In July I hit the 90lbs lost mark the day I saw my surgeon.  To say he was delighted was an understatement.  I follow up again for my 9 month mark in October.  He basically told me to keep on keepin' on and that my pounds would not continue to fall off at the rate they had in the first six months.  

I'm seeing that first hand and it's the results of two things in my opinion. 

One - I can eat more!  and I'm hungry!  I can digest, without discomfort more food at one time.  I think I liked it better when I was bitching and moaning that I couldn't eat anything.  It's really frightening to be able to each more at each meal, and want to eat it.  I had a colonoscopy last month too and Dr. Speakman's PA called to check up on me.  She said as she was reading my chart and asked is this right?  you've lost 90lbs since January.  When I assured her that was right she went on and on about what a great job I'd done yada yada yada.  When I voiced my fears about now liking more foods and being able to eat more volume she calmly told me 'You've got this!"  you wouldn't have gotten where you are now if you didn't understand the principles.  She says, when you're hungry other than mealtime, what are you eating?  Are you reaching for chips, dips, candy sweets?  When I assured her no I don't eat those things she again replied 'You've got this!".  I've replayed that simple sentence many many times since that conversation and I think she's right  

 I've Got This!

Two - My food base has grown!  I can eat such a variety of things now salad, fruit, nuts, a certain type of whole grain-whole seed cracker, bread thins, etc etc etc.  Again SCARY!  And again I stay away from carb laden foods like pastas, rice, potatoes, breads etc.  I can eat the low card tortillas and I've found the best ones, in my opinion, are Tumaro's Low-in-Carb wraps. I'm not able to buy them locally here in Southern Utah but when I was home visiting family in April I got them at Fresh Express in  the Vancouver/Portland area.  If you're looking for a good low card, low fat wrap that doesn't turn to paste in your mouth try these even if you have to  have them shipped to you!  I also stay away from that "S" word SUGAR!  I do have sugar, how can you not it's in just about everything prepared but I'm super careful about how much and what kind I eat.  And really I don't have the cravings for sweets and chips.  OMG is this me talking the bag-at-a time chip lady? 

 Things have changed and I'm so thankful for it.  Clothes are fitting so much better.  I'm in 18's and XL's now!  and they fit, not suck it in and squeeze it in but pull it up and zip it with no problem.  That's still a sigh moment each morning! 

The scales are still moving downward a pound a week on average but I consume more calories each day and we've been away from the gym for two weeks, that has to make a difference as well.  That old 'voice in the head' still haunts me.  Well you may not make goal, you've never done it before, you may not loose anymore, this may be it.  Finally I scream shut up and I'm pretty good for a while until the second cousin of the first crawls in my head with self doubts again.  I think this will be pretty much an ongoing thing with me and it's something I'll just have to wrestle with for a good many years if not forever.  After all it's easy to base your present on your past and my food/weight was not to stellar in the past instead of your present on what can become your future.  Once I get below certain weight points I'm sure the good fairies will enter my grey matter and start cheering my on saying "See we told you you could do this!"  It's a matter of concurring the old stumbling blocks the ones I've hit many times in this roller coaster ride of weight that are my pause moments.  Then lo and behold I see the scales begin to move again and I think, no Patti this time is different, this time is forever and it's gonna keep moving on down until I hit goal - which for me is more a healthy BMI instead of a number on the scale.

Here's some a new pic for you.  I posted it on Facebook with a disclosure regarding my new glasses, my new doo, and my 'just shy of' 100lb weight loss.  I debated on whether to out myself this way.  Close friends, family, those that have asked, my support group, etc know I had WLS but some many friends/family on Facebook didn't.  But hey I'm happy with what I've done and with what I'm accomplishing.  Perhaps one person that struggling will see this picture and that post and ask some questions that could change their lives forever as well.  I'm most happy to talk about what I've been going through with anyone!

Taken 8-22-2015

We have family here this weekend and we went to eat out twice since they've been here.  Once at the Black Bear diner where I scoured the menu trying to decide what could I eat.  I finally settled on a burger with a lettuce wrap instead of bun, gave the two onion rings away and opted for fruit instead of fries, hey I'm getting the hang of this and the wait staff don't treat me like I'm wierd!

Last night we hit Texas Roadhouse and I ended up with a house salad, which was good and stayed put with no problem, I did ask for the dressing on the side.  For the main course I was surprised I  had lots of options and ended up with the ribs and fresh veggies (and I asked for no butter on the veggies).  I'm learning they don't care and I feel better knowing I'm staying on track.  Of course over half my meal came home in a doggy bag and I was STUFFED.  I'm still shaking my head, this journey is amazing.  

So ok, I hope to be back tomorrow or the next day with the simple sentence.  I broke 100 lbs lost.  Even if it's next week or the week after I know it's gonna happen!

So Many NSVs

So much has happened since I last posted and I have so many NSVs (non-scale victories) to share with you.

• I took a trip to visit family and didn't need a seat belt extender
• I bought clothes off the rack and they were no where near the Women's Plus sizes
• I ate out in a restaurant and survived
• I sat in normal sized chairs and lawn chairs without the fear of them breaking
• I bowled over family and friends with the new me

So much of this life transition comes in small daily steps so it's hard to see or appreciate them when it's you looking in that mirror seeking out the change.  I knew the scales was continuing to go down but it wasn't until I was home shopping with my daughter that the real realization of what I'd been doing hit home.

We went to a local store because the capri's I'd brought with me for my trip to see family and friends in Washington State were literally falling off me!  I brought over some clothes I'd picked to try on from the Women's Plus section for my daughters opinion.  Her eyebrows scrunched and I knew she wasn't happy with my choices.  I took them back and told her ok that's why I brought you, you pick.

When she headed toward a regular Misses' rack of jean capris I just cringed but didn't say anything, we continued adding things to be tried on, mostly 18's and XL's.  It was hot and I was thinking what a waste of time this is going to be.   UNTIL ----- I tried on the first outfit.  OMG it actually fit, zipped up, buttoned the whole nine yards with no problems.  When I looked at the person in the mirror I thought Oh WOW I can see the difference now.  I stood in the dressing room giggling like a teenager and jumping up and down because it was there, right in front of me, reflecting back the struggles and stumbling blocks and revealing the beginnings of a new me!  Such a fantastic end result of this surgery.

Here's one of the outfits snapped outside in my daughters yard.  Yeah that woman there with the big grin, that's me hardly containing my happiness.  This is the 'slap you in the face' result of 88 pounds lost.  Yes 88 POUNDS!  

The 'other people won't notice' results are 

• I can walk across the width of the airport at Vegas hauling my 90# carry on purse and dragging my 50# suitcase with no ill effects.  In fact I didn't even stop to gasp for air, that's an accomplishment!
• I can walk to the mailbox, a whole six houses down, and not wonder if I'm going to make it back in one piece.
• I can climb the steps at the gym, all twenty-four of them, and not have to stop at the 12th on the landing and get the stamina to climb the last 12
• I can sit in a normal sized persons chair and not wonder if it will collaspe under me.
• I can put on underwear without feeling choked or squeezed to death, in fact it's time for a change what I have is WAYYYYYYY too big
• I can bounce out of bed, walk around, play with my youngest Granddaughter, etc etc etc, with freedom
• I can move around without limbs like knees, and feet and shoulders and back feeling like they are going to give under the stress

I'm including this picture of my darling little stinkpot, Brynn, she's my youngest Grandchild and will turn 6 in September.  This was taken the day I left at the Portland Airport.  See the difference in size between us, Bynnie weighs 42 pounds.  I have now lost 2 Brynnies!!!!  The thought of one of her under each arm everywhere I go really puts the loss of pounds into perspective.  No wonder I had no energy, no stamina and felt like I was going to collapse any second! 

So now I'm on to the next goals

• to loose another Brynnie 
• to loose 90 pounds by July 16th which is my six month mark
• to surpass the 100 pound mark which is only 12 pounds away
• to hid onederland which is 28 pounds away
• to keep on keeping on, which is the only way to live life!

 

And just to share the difference, I found this photo when I transferred all my iPhone photos to my computer last week.  Wow, I think there is a difference don't you?

Thanks for joining me, I have my six month check up with my surgeon, Dr Speakman on Monday the 6th so I'll let you know how that goes.

On the Way

Many of you have noticed my new Avatar, yep the new me, shorter hair and all.  This morning when I hopped on the scales it greeted me with a YaaaaaaaaaHoooo and 2 more pounds gone.  That makes a grand total of 77 pounds, wow oh wow.  But the benchmark I'd been looking for was seeing my BMI hit in the 30's and this morning this did it.  That's a long was from the low 50's BMI I started with in January.  It's no wonder that walking six houses down to get the mail  had me totally exhausted.  Or buying groceries required me to stop half way from the parking lot to the store and then latching onto a cart just to maintain an upright position.  I'm so lucky!  I'm so fortunate!  I respect this new tool and lease on life I've been given.

So friends I'm off to see my family this Saturday, I'm flying the big bird from Las Vegas to Portland for a three week stay.  This will be the first time in many many years that I won't have to ask for a seat belt extender.  That's so humiliating but would be even more so if I had to make a big fuss once in my seat because the darn thing wouldn't fit around me!  Thanks goodness for those NSVs (non-scale victories) and this one is a big one in my book!

I am noticing such a big difference at the gym.  Yesterday I walked 30 minutes on the treadmill at a 1/2 incline, raising up to 2 near the end at 3 mph.  Wow what a difference from a while back when I could barely get it to 2 1/2 mph without thinking I'd die.

I love the one bike they have there but my tailbone doesn't.  I think I bruised it on the bike when I first started trying to use it and it's so sore.  I think the 3 weeks away will do it good and help it heal.  I'm hoping anyway.

My blood tests came back A OK this week. The new potassium the doctor put me on last month is doing the trick because my levels are back in the normal range.  Next month, July, I see Dr. Speakman for my six month check up, how did that happen already?  Anyway he's doing a full blown blood panel to check among other things, my B levels because I know that's a big deal with Gastric Bypass as well.

I have one concern/problem/irritation. I've lost a lot of my taste since surgery and checking this out on Google confirms that I'm not a lone wolf this happens to lots of WLS patients.  Some gradually get it back, some it's just a way of life. 

Going home is exciting and daunting.  Paul and I haven't eaten out, we've bought stuff and brought it home but sit down, pick stuff off a menu we've avoided.  Not only for me but he's really watching the sugar, carbs and fat too.  Going home brings my sheltered life to a screeching halt.  I'll need to eat around others outside my pristine environment, learn how to pick my way through a menu and watch others eat things we've been avoiding.  It's not that I can't do this, of course I can, it's just another step in the 'normal' road to real life learning and eating.  It's all in the process of recovery from food addiction.

So I'll check in later and let you know how I did and I'll have family take some pictures of the new me that's emerging.  I'll tell you another NSV, I'm wearing size 20 as I  head home, I started out in a skin tight, lets lay on the bed and zip these up, size 26.  Life is good, life is good!

One Year Ago

I just thought I'd share a photo that was taken last year at this time.  It popped up on Facebook this morning.  Yep, that's me on the front right.  Wow what a difference.  I can't wait to see what another year will make!  Funny how when you're in the midst of battling your weight and in denial you don't see yourself as you are.  I look back at pictures and think I didn't see that person when I looked in the mirror.  I'm glad I'm on this new journey it may be quite difficult at times but I know I'm headed in the right direction.

I got the results back from the Cardiologist office and all is well.  A few minor things, I really hate to say but I think age related, that will have to be monitored every couple of years but all in all the stress test and Ecko were A OK.  So my flights have been booked for next month and I'm off to Washington State to see family and friends for 3 weeks. This will be the first time in I don't know how long I won't have to ask for a seat belt extender on the plane Wooo Hoooo!

Also had my first blood tests done since surgery.  The Potassium is a little low so not sure whether I'll need to add supplements at this point or the Doctor will wait and see what next months tests bring.

I'll be meeting up with this group of friends again this year so we'll do an updated photo so I can compare shots!

A New Me is Emerging!

You cannot change anyone

or please everyone.

Be true to yourself

and life will unfold

in Beautiful ways!

                                Anna Taylor

OK as promised updated photos, the shirts too big but I'm at a crunch time for clothes at the moment, still not quite small enough to get into the 20's and the 22's are too big.............soon

I didn't realize the camera was still taking shots but this is a better shot, even though fuzzy since I'm moving. I think this is how I really look instead of stiff and still and posing, which I don't do well.

Update today....................... 69 pounds gone forever!!!

Long Time No Talk~

May the sun bring you new energy by day,

May the moon softly restore you by night,

May the rain wash away your worries,

May the breeze blow new strength into your being,

May you walk gently through the world

and know it's beauty all the days of your life.

                                                                             Apache Blessing

I know it's been forever since I've posted but life has been a roller coaster this past few weeks.  I told you I'd met with the surgeon mid March and wasn't exactly happen with his review of the swelling in my feet and legs.  The 2nd of April I went to my family doctor and he was truly upset.  He put me back on the water pills and wanted to see me in a week.  He told me he thought I had 30 pounds of water in my legs.  WHAT??? no way! Well I ended up back in his office a day early April 8th with an upper respiratory virus.  I was also 16 pounds YES 16 pounds down!  I went home with antibiotics and cough medicine and was told to do nothing just rest.  Well, duh, the way I felt that was no problem at all.

Doctor also gave me a standing order for the next 3 months to have blood work done, just to make sure everything is staying where it should be and I don't need to be adding extra supplements, which happens quite often with WLS (Weight Loss Surgery) patients.  It's a major relief to feel like someone is watching out for you.  So now between the Surgeon, the Family Doctor and the Cardiologist I should be well covered.

Yes I snuck in Cardiologist in there but I really think this is a precautionary measure. Because of the swelling in my legs and feet my Doctor felt I should have a stress test to make sure there were no problems with my heart.  Since I was too ill to do that for the first two weeks I opted to just make an appointment with the Heart of Dixie cardiologist Dr. Jamison Jones.  We're familiar with him and have confidence in his opinions so I feel much better just starting out there, that appointment is this coming Monday and once I get the go ahead (see I'm assuming they won't think I need to schedule the stress test) I'm hot footing it to the computer to book a flight home to see my family, it's been much much too long.

When you're carrying a hundred plus too many pounds it's not a pleasant thing to ride a shuttle for two hours then maneuver the Las Vegas airport and fly another two plus hours in a cramped seat that is way too small for you.  Thank goodness this time I fly there will be no more extenders for the seat belt.  Never ever again.  In the WLS forums NSV's are non-scale victories, this 'no more extender' is a HUGE NSV for me.

I've made another trip to the donation center to drop off more toooo-big clothes and I have another full bag in my closet.  I am so thankful I didn't toss anything away.  Some may not be my favorites but they're getting me by as my body transitions and changes size.

So let's get on with the number and stats, this is the fun part, at least for this blog post it's a fun part!

I'm now 98 days Post-Surgery
                                      and I've lost a total of 67 lbs.  I am very happy with this!
As far as inches go
                             Since the first of the year
                                         I've lost 6" in my waist
                                         9" in my hips, no wonder clothes are getting looser!
                                         over 5" in each thigh
                                         and 2" in each calf.  
 It's an amazing process I'll tell you.

I have had some moments of doubts, last week was the worst.  I didn't feel like eating and when I did nothing tasted good.  I was so tired of being tired and so depressed from just everyday droll-drums of having a bug that wouldn't go away.  I began to wonder if this was my life and perhaps I'd made the wrong decision.  But yesterday and today I've crossed a bridge, I feel better, my energy is better, my appetite is better and the whole world is a much better place.  I do not regret having Bypass.  I'm just impatient and want to erase a lifetime of bad habits in a few months time.... not gonna happen.

So my dear friends and supporters I'll leave you with this little ditty I found on Facebook (and yes, new picture coming really soon).

Walking Down Memory Lane

Nothing tastes as good

as a Normal size feels!

                                   Author unknown

I just finished a book, Stranger Here, by Jen Larsen, it's about her Weight Loss Journey.  It was good, I laughed a lot, it's a little out there in places but the gist of it is WLS doesn't change the 'who' that you are inside.  She talked about how she 'saw' herself on the inside.  It reminded me of eons ago when I was young.

I always thought I was so huge but when I graduated high school.  I weighed 150 lbs and was 5'6" tall, if I had had a BMI chart then I would have realized I fell in the normal range, something now I covert very badly.

I went out with a big strapping cowboy one night, a friend of my girlfriends.  We all ended up at a local park that had playground equipment, you know, slides and swings and all. He wanted me to slide down the slide and I said no, I was so afraid I wouldn't fit, you know it's that mental image thing that I  had in my head.  I'm sure I thought I was at least twice my size in other people's eyes.  If only I had known then, really saw what I looked like maybe I'd gotten hold of my weight instead of grown into that image I had plastered in my mind.

Anyway, I digress.  When I kept telling him no, he gave me one warning and told me if I didn't go down the slide he'd pick me up and put me down.  Well yeah right, I can still remember thinking he'd never try that I'd break his back.  BUT, he did it, he picked me up and hoisted me on that slide like I was nothing.  I still remember the amazement that welled up inside me at the knowledge he didn't keel over, wasn't winded and laughed the whole time.  Someone actually picked me up.

Well, that was 47 years ago and that memory is burned in my brain, I hadn't pulled it out for years until this book washed away the shadows and there I was in the air on the way down the slide.

The kicker is I guess is that I want my mental image and the reality image to come together but today, after reading this book for the past two days non-stop I wonder how long it will take for those to realities to collide and become one.   I read on one of the forums today about maintenance and reaching you goal weight.  That's something my mind never settles on, just seems to skim over because I can't imagine 'goal' or 'maintenance' I've never made it near there before.

Today the scales were kind, the second time this week, I'm down another 2 lbs.  That's 41 now people 41 pounds gone for good.   Logically, like Spook would say, I know this whole process is well, a process, of learning and accepting a new me, but it will take me a while to realize that 'goal' and 'maintenance' are real terms that down the road I'll have in my vocabulary as well.

Thanks for letting me share my walk down memory lane!

Two Month Check-Up

Be Patient

Hide your Scale

Don't compare yourself to others

Ride this ride for all it's worth

YOU ARE WORTH IT!

                                                  lifted from a forum post

I met with my Surgeon yesterday for my two month check-up.  I don't go back until July, at six months, that's a tad scary!

He's still at the point where I should not weigh or track a thing even the protein.  Fill up the palm of my hand (not literally, lol) mostly with protein and be good to go.  Eat 2 or 3 meals a day and concentrate on getting all my water in.  Seems way too simplistic to me but I'm sure his ultimate goal is that I learn by a visual of how much and what I can eat. I'm not sure I can not track things.  I'll try for a week and see how I do.

He said the same as all of you, stay off the scales.  So I'm determined to only weigh myself once or twice a week, instead of several times a day.  I was disappointed I wasn't down further on his scales since they always seem to weigh light. But it was mid-afternoon and I'd eaten two meals and drank a lot of water.

I'm having a lot of trouble with the swelling in my feet, sometimes up to my knees. I really didn't get a good answer for that either.  Keep a watch if it gets worse check with my family doctor or a cardiologist. Hmm, I wanted a little more than that.  

Next week we're going to hit the gym every day.  I'll still continue to do the treadmill the 3 days a week, it's all my knee can seem to handle at this point in time.  On the off days I'll hit the weights and see if I can start building up some muscle.

I did ask about his goal weight and we were spot on together.  Both wanting to get in the normal BMI range.  That's all I ask.  And, sigh, I've resigned myself it's going to take longer than I had thought.  But that's ok, there's no contest or race going on here, just pounds off to get to a permanently healthier me. After all it's taken me years and years to get where I am.

So that's the update, nothing exciting, just keep plugging along!

The Will to Win

The will to win, the desire to succeed, 

the urge to reach your full potential... 

these are the keys that will 

unlock the door to 

personal excellence.

                                              Confucius

I spoke to both my girls a couple of days ago on Facetime and both remarked that they could really begin to see a difference in my face and neck.  I'm seeing it too. The scales aren't down anymore but everything is changing.  The new sized clothes that were wearable but snug a week ago are loose today.  I see hanging skin, sigh, a new side effect I'm afraid, in my arms that was puffed up and full weeks ago.

So just for hee-haws I went back and found some pictures of me to share. Some, like the 2010 photo above were so hard for me to look at.  Wow did I look like that? Amazing how you ignore the fact of how big you are getting.  Perhaps that's why I hated having my picture taken.  I always had the camera in hand to take photos of others but hated them of me.

Here's the part of the photo I didn't want to show.  These are my girls, and look at me, I'm huge as a balloon.  The good thing is, even though right now I have tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat I know these days are gone.  I'll never have another photo taken where I look like this.  I remember getting around that day, and that was 5 years ago.  It was hard, I was tired.  No wonder.  With all this extra weight we as fat people don't move too much, it's too hard.

So onward and I'll end with the same quote I started with because it's so appropriate for how I'm feeling at this moment in time. The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential.  These are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.  Confucius was one smart cookie!

Was There an Earthquake??

The key to the game
is to change your behavior, 
your tastes and 
your lifestyle.
                                         Author Unknown

Yes!  I'm sure we must have had an Earthquake last night, enough it rocked the bathroom scales because they moved!  DOWNWARD!  And not just by one pound but two! Wowzer be still my heart I'm not sure I can stand the excitement, oh who am I kidding of course I can!

I'm having some issues with my feet and legs swelling so will talk to Dr Speakman about that next week as well as the longggggggggggg list of other things I have questions about. I've yet to find the rulebook of guidance for WLS patients.  It would be so nice to have an A-Z reference book of "this symptom is a result of that act".   I know I want it all spelled out in black and white.  Is that too much to ask for?  

I added Bear Naked Granola last night, only two tablespoons, to my Yogurt but it stayed put and gave me a little extra something in my stomach.  It's low in fat, the carbs are higher 11 per my 2 tablespoons so I'll have to watch when I'm eating it and with what else during the day.  It even had 3 almonds in it, I was so worried how they'd react.  That's on my list of "can I add nuts to my diet yet" questions. 

Yesterday was a day for several new things, Lean Cuisine dinner with turkey and green beans (thank you Miss Paula for telling me about this).  It's not turkey and gravy like my Momma used to make but that's what got me here in the first place.  It was soft, had some flavor and stayed with me, the turkey that is, the green beans were frozen and they never seem to cook well after being frozen.  Tough and chewy is enough to make me run in the opposite direction, the fear of my tummy rejecting it is enough to say, after just a few bites, nope not for me!

I also hunted for the elusive no fat/low fat cheese again yesterday.  I did find some Sargento Pepper Jack made with 2% milk.  I didn't get it.  Weight Watchers is better in the fat area but I only found it in slices and I'd rather have a chunk or grated.  I did stumble upon Velevetta made with the 2% as well.  And I got it and had it with my chili last night for dinner.  It also played nice with my insides and wasn't a bad choice, carbs are almost nil and fat is way down there.  I'll keep hunting, I've yet to hit the Nutrition Store, I just hear dollars and cents running screaming from my pocket when I go into those places.

Now just a little 'What am I thankful for' to leave you with today.  For all of you at an average weight this won't touch base with you.  For any of you struggling with lots of extra pounds you'll relate in a heartbeat.  I love a bath and I have a nice oval garden tub in our bathroom.  After a while I just gazed longingly at the tub but knew from prior experiences the fear of getting in and not being able to get out was far to great to test.  As the weeks post-op have progressed the long soaks at night in the tub have increased.  Now it's almost nightly.  I even came home yesterday with some Milk and Honey bubbles to add on occasion.  It's relaxing, feels so good and the best thing is I can get in and out with minimal struggles (those are usually related to how my knee is acting up).

The tub soaks are nice, being able to get in and out is nice but the real kicker is how easy it is to wash the bottoms of my feet or pull the plug to let the water drain.  For you 'normals' out there you're saying .... WHAT?  When you have a stomach on top of a stomach on top of a stomach reaching your feet bottoms is near impossible.  Reaching for the drain plug can be an exhausting accomplishment, another reason I began to quit taking baths.  Now it's nothing to scrub those calluses off my feet and pull the plug with no effort at all.  It's these NSV's (non-scale victories) that make this process oh so exciting. 

I'm waiting until the day I can say the water covered every inch of me.  Not yet, but it's approaching, I think two of my three stomachs (or at least most of the two) have melted away, that seems to be where the weight is leaving first, Woo Hoo, couldn't have picked a better place myself.  Now for the thighs please.................... 

Never happy am I????????

Have a fabulous Monday, a stupendous week, I know I am!

Changes, wonderful changes

That voice that you hear

that says 'you can't do it'

It's a LIAR!!!

Be Strong!  
You Can and You Will!

                                                                 Bariatric Pal Forums 

I hope I don't shock you all, posting two days in a row, lol.  I had such a wonderful experience today and just had to share it.

I was reading forums this morning, a new pastime of mine.  The gal was talking about how her Surgeon told her that some bodies just cling to the fat, won't let it go no matter what, the less you eat the more it slows your metabolism down to let go of fewer and fewer fat cells.

He suggested to move, move, move to jog the metabolism into a new place it's not used to be and cheat your body from hoarding the fat and keeping you from dropping pounds.

So today I thought, we aren't going to the gym so I should do something so I

• Mopped the kitchen and entry floors
• Washed and dried four loads of clothes
• Filled, cleaned and emptied the dishwasher
• Dusted and vacuumed the common areas in our home
• Cleaned the upright fan, Paul's computer and our fake tree on the front stoop with canned air and dusters
• took the round circular rug out in the front yard and pounded dust out of it

Now you might say, well good for you Patti aren't you ambitious.  But no, you don't get it yet, but I did and it was all I could do to keep from jumping up and down and laughing out loud.  These things before killed me, I was so winded, the sweat was dripping down my face, I couldn't breathe and today, I didn't even break a sweat.  The good thing is this is the way it's gonna be only it's going to get better and better with every inch and every pound that goes!

Woo Hoo Scales you can be as nasty as you want, things they are a changin'!  And, yes, I'm still smiling!

Supporting Networks

What is meant for you

will come to you, 

in exactly the right way.

                                            -Angels of Abundance-

Last night was the Bariatric Support group for WLS (weight loss surgery) patients.  I always go away feeling uplifted and with a few choice tidbits to stick away in my brain. This session focused on body image, not being so critical and damning to your own self and to appreciate how far you've come and the choices you've made. Hmm perfect topic for how I'd been feeling.  And of course it's fun getting to see the transformations in peoples outward appearances in a month's time, sometimes longer if they hadn't been to a meeting in a few months.

The other thing that always surprises me is how many new people show up interested or already in the first steps of this new lifestyle process.  Some are coming to glean information from those that have already had surgery.  Some are in the beginning, middle or just days from the surgery process itself.  Most have questions or comments to get everyone's mind thinking and sharing.  

The need is great and I wish the medical community would really get that into their noggin.  Just like drugs, or cigarettes, or any other numerous addictions food is one of the biggest culprits.  That lovely friend who comforted you on a lonely evening, or bolstered your ego in times of self doubt.  The friend who called you to the kitchen in times of boredom, the one that destroyed your health and had you eating, gorging, stuffing yourself when your body says please no more, I can't walk, I can't breathe, I can't function.  Yes that friend, that ugly troublemaker food needs to be addressed as a vicious attacker of your body, a slow killer that attacks you with so many side affects before claiming your life way before your time. The medical community at large needs to see food for so many as what it really is, an addiction that thousands upon thousands of people need help with.  It's slowly evolving but people lets step up the pace and help more people now!

OK so let's go beyond my rant today...................... the numbers are still SLOW!  Four pounds in four weeks, but hey, that's still four more pounds that are gone for good.  The amazing thing is the inches. We've taken them on the first of each month, January, February, March and since that first measurement in January I've lost  4 1/2" off my hips! No wonder I'm in clothes I bought years ago.  I wore a jacket last night, one I truthfully forgot I had until I was arranging my closet by size a couple weeks ago and stumbled upon it.  Last night I reached into the pocket and found a coupon dated 2010, five years ago and I doubt the jacket fit as well then as it did last night.  So even though the scales is really fighting to stay put the inches don't lie.  Things are changing.

I started off about the support group, one thing someone said last night, on a whole when the body is losing inches it isn't losing as many pounds.  That's what creates a stall, among other things, sounds good to me, I'll take that one and carry it along with me.  Positivity, that needs to become my middle name.  Paul says I focus too much on what I haven't accomplished, where I think I should be right now, instead of focusing on how much I've lost, the positive step of having WLS and the glorious fact that I'm 34 pounds lighter than I was at the first of the year.  

I spotted this on Facebook this morning, I think I need to post it on my fridge along with the tag and card I got from my dear friends Chrissie and Vicky this past week.  Wonderful friends on the other side of the globe that support me!  I truly am blessed and I am grateful for what I have and whom I  have in my life.

So here's my positive thoughts for this day

1. The sun is shining and it's going to be a beautiful early Spring Day - I'm blessed
2. I have a large support group that includes Paul, my family, my friends near and very far away - I'm blessed
3. I'm down one to two sizes depending on what I put on - I'm blessed
4. I can bend and tie my shoes without feeling like my body is being cut in half and I can't breath - I'm blessed
5. My face each day in the mirror is thinner, I can see it - I'm blessed
6. We're headed to the gym today, 3 times this week, and I can walk 45 minutes on the treadmill now - I'm blessed
7. I got up this morning and had my 1/2 cup of coffee - I'm blessed - - - for those of you that don't know coffee has always been my fuel, up to the night before surgery.  Then I tried it at 3 weeks post-op  OMG it was ghastly as it was at 4 weeks and 5 weeks.  But then my taste buds said ok, this is pretty good stuff and now I can enjoy my morning Zen moments with my hot cup of coffee and feel good about the day - - - yes I am really blessed!

I see Dr. Speakman on the 17th and already my list of questions is growing.  I'd really like some ballpark numbers for nutrition to guide me.  I'm tracking everything but have no idea, am I too high, too low?  Are these too many fat grams a day? should I add more carbs?  should I buy protein powder and sprinkle it on my food?  My protein is a given get it to at least 60 grams a day, I'm struggling but each day I wake up with the resolve to hit that number.  

Same with the water, 64 ounces a day, I have a new water container in the fridge, each morning I fill it to the 64 ounce level and start filling my water bottle from it, it's suppose to be bone dry by bedtime, I'm struggling some days with that as well.  But struggling is ok, it's when you say to Hell with it and give up that there's a real problem.  I won't do that, this is the only life I have and I've chosen to accept this glorious tool called Gastric Bypass to help me live the remainder of my years healthier, happier and with much more energy and passion for life than those years that have already passed.  

Yes I'm blessed!

Slow and Steady

Baby steps turn into long strides!

                                                                   from my friend Carrie, in an encouraging & supportive email

I thought it time to share a little of what normal life has become.  My stall I'd say is still in progress and as I read more and get more knowledge of the way my body is coping with the new me I think perhaps until I'm able to increase my caloric count weight loss may continue at a slower pace.  Even ten years ago when I dropped a huge amount of weight it came off quickly so this is really a new endeavor for me and not one I was anticipating. 

When I talked to my sister the other day she said I should be thankful for the pounds that were gone - permanently gone - instead of focusing on what I had perceived I would be loosing.  Well I mulled over her sage words and sat down with a pencil to see how I could turn these numbers into positives that would satisfy my inner self, you know that person knocking on the inside, tapping foot impatiently, just waiting to emerge.

This was on a friends Facebook page today,

looks good to me!

I've been on this journey since December 30th, I count that as my starting point because it's the day I first met with Dr. Speakman and got my surgery date.  December 30th until today, February 20th, is 53 days, so far I've lost 33 pounds that averages .62 pounds a day. Wow did you get that over half a pound a day.  Now that doesn't sound bad, I can live with that.  Perhaps if I drop 5 pounds here or there quickly my average will stay at around a half pound a day.  That's manageable, that would still get me to goal or close to in decent amount of time.  As course as my supportive friends have pointed out repeatedly to me there is no finish line, this is a lifestyle journey and I have no time limit.  Each pound gone is a pound closer to the new healthier me.  So I'm trying to stay focused on the now and let the tomorrow take care of itself.  Much harder done than said!

One of the benefits I was reading yesterday to loosing more slowly was excess skin has a chance to firm a bit and you don't end up with as much, that's a positive as well.  I know my skin is really feeling the brunt of this.  I was never one for a dry face but I sure do have one now and I'd bet dollars to donuts that it's because of my new eating patterns.

I don't have my next check in until March 17th, almost a month away.  I'm going to just keep on keepin' on the way I've been doing until then.  I had asked him about adding a snack in and he said no, he even said I could get by on only 2 meals a day if I didn't feel I needed the third so I'm going to try not to stress on getting 800 calories, it's near impossible at this point and focus on getting enough water, and moving, moving my body daily.  That's the key more exercise.  We're off to the gym again this morning.

So not much to report, the urps from food have subsided this week, I have had a couple mornings of hmmm stomach just doesn't feel right, but it left as the day progressed.  I made it to the gym on Wednesday and didn't fall flat on my face from the dizzies, so that's a good thing too.  Learning to take things at a slower pace until my body catches up is hard.  But, I'm learning.

A Better Day!

There are no wrong turns, 

Only unexpected paths

                                             Mark Nepo

OK today I can honestly say I feel better!  No nausea today, feel a tad more umph and the most important thing is I'm down 2 pounds, finally I think my stall is over!!!  I took a selfie today just so you could see I have a smile on my face again. I do not care to repeat any of my past performances! But, they are the part of the learning process just as measuring food or choosing the right options of what I put in my mouth.  

This top is one I haven't had on in eons and it doesn't ride up on the hips.  The jeans are a size smaller than when I started the process.  Pretty good feeling let me tell you.  So this makes 32 pounds on my scales.  It's more on Dr. Speakman's about 4 pounds additional. But since I weigh myself (way more than I should :-)  on my home scales that's what my numbers are based on.

While I'm here I want to say again I love the website Bariatric Pal, it has just given me so much information and reassured me when I had doubts.  This is a great resource tool for anyone contemplating or who has already had surgery.  

Ready! Set! Pass Out!

You can't turn your back on the clock, 

But you sure can wind it up again.

                                                      Author Unkown

Well, what can I say my first outing to the gym was, hmm, an experience.  I seem to be having a lot of these lately. But, I'm still smiling and learning!  We went to the gym yesterday and I started off on the treadmill.  It's hard to know where to gauge how fast you should be walking so I started a 2 miles an hour and eventually moved it to 2.5.  Seemed like a good pace for the energy level I had.  I walked 30 minutes.  Boy I was really getting tired in the last 5 but was determined to make it to the end.

I rested a minute, took some water and went to the weights, as I'd said before I'd been cleared for these by Dr. Speakman as long as I started way low and worked myself back up.  I did the one for low back which basically you just sit in the chair and lean back, it really helps my lower back.  I usually do it at the 4 or 5 weight level and I started at 1 which was nothing so moved to 2.  I only did three sets of 10, very minimal or so I thought.

I tried a couple of other machines and the weight was just too much yet even at 1 or 0.  So I moved to one where you just push the arms up and down and it goes forward and back as you do it, I did it with no weights and still it was hard.  Wow I need to build my strength.

I moved on to what I would call the butterfly, I'm not a good gym person so I have no idea the real name is.  You sit facing forward grab the arms with your hands and pull them forward. Well about that time Paul showed up and said he thought I'd done enough for one day and that's when it hit.  The room started swimming and the blacks spots started growing.  Oh Lordy I wasn't going to pass out was I????

I made it to the bench where my water and towel was and hung my head deep breathing and talking to myself.  You're gonna be fine, you're gonna be fine, you know that power of positive thinking! Paul must have been watching because it seemed like no time he was there just telling me to take deeps breathes.

Nothing seemed to work the elevator stood not 10 feet straight in front of us and yet I knew I couldn't make it to the lower floor without landing on the floor myself.  The stairs were an absolute NO WAY!

After about 15-20 minutes we talked to one of the office guys who was with one of the maintenance people and asked if they had a wheel chair.  I thought Paul could push me to the car.  Now for any of you that know me you will know I really had to be desperate to even consider such a thing.  I began to think I was going to have to lay down on the bench the room was still acting like an ocean and the spots were still floating every which way.

The guy said they didn't the other guy said perhaps they should call the paramedics.  Amazing what fear can do as I adamantly said NO WAY!!!  I asked if he could walk on one side while Paul walked on the other and get me down the elevator.  Directly in front of the elevator on the first floor is another bench I headed to it still upright.  We waited while the gym guy ran back upstairs for a moment and I caught my breath and tried to reassure myself I WAS NOT going to pass out.  They helped me to the lobby as Paul ran out and moved the car to directly in front of the doors.  

The gym guy had disappeared and by this time I felt confident to make it to the car on my own.  I rolled the window down and stuck my head out just like a doggy.  Paul helped me inside and I flopped in the recliner as he parked the car in the garage and then he helped me to the bed. I crashed!  Two and a half hours later I emerged a little shaky but back to myself again.

Then I got the lecture you are just overdoing it, you have to take it easier, you can't do as much so soon.  Well, geez it didn't seem like that much.  But I had been sick the two days prior and I know I didn't get my water in so probably a mild case of dehydration with minimal food doesn't allow a lot of stamina for a person of my size to exercise.

All I could think about was what if I had passed out, what if they had called the paramedics what if, what if, what if.  SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I guess going forward I will go slower, I will pace myself better.  I can't remember the last time I was this dizzy, if ever.  And let me tell you I would have been mortified to have passed out at the gym. So slower, in my case, is better at least for now.

I haven't gotten on the scales this morning, waiting until I pop in the shower but come on after all this wouldn't you think they'd be kind enough to budge a little?????

Repeat Business Stinks!

We cannot start over

But we can begin now

and make a new ending

                                         Zig Ziglar

As much as I hate to say this Sunday was a repeat performance of Saturday.  So unpleasant and it lasts for hours 4 hours to be precise in my case.  We went to Costco, I wanted to pick up some gummy vitamins, I opted for the Kirkland brand Multi-vitamins and I also wanted Biotin, which many at the support group were saying helps with hair loss.  I'm all for that, I have lots of hair and I'd rather not loose it if preventable.

We also picked up a Costco rotisserie chicken which I thought once deboned, skinned and all fat removed would be so good because it's so moist.  Once home and with things put away it was way past the normal lunch time so I carefully picked out choice pieces of the juiciest pieces of chicken  (2 1/2 ounces, I weighed it) and I grabbed one of my Laughing Cow cheese wedges.  Well it didn't set I got less than half the meat down and the cheese and I knew it wasn't working.  I hoped beyond hope that I could talk away.  No such deal.  Four hours later I finally felt human again but believe me those first 2 of the 4 hours were murder.  So awful.  I really believe it was the cheese that did it.  I've only eaten it post surgery stirred into something like my eggs, I think it was too rich to each on it's own.  I DO NOT WANT TO REPEAT THIS!!!

Next on my rants today is my non-existent weight loss, I have lost nothing, well I lost one or two pounds but it returned, how is that possible I repeat it returned.  As I was saying I've lost nothing since I saw Dr Speakman on Tuesday, that will be one week tomorrow. And I purged two meals out of this last six days.  I'm eating no snacks and I doubt 3 ounces at a meal. 

Luckily someone at the support group suggested the Baratric Pal, which is a support group for those contemplating or who have already had some sort of WLS (weight loss surgery.) I went to check it out intending to look for food reactions and being sick but instead I found this great thread on what else the 3-week-stall!!  Here I am again assuming I'm such a unique individual when lo and behold I find others have already walked this walk as well.  One of the replies referenced this great article that explains what's happening.  I don't know if you're interested or not but here's the link Weight Loss Stall or Plateau.  This explains what my body is doing and even though it's still frustrating and embarrassing, I understand.  Yes I said embarrassing, here I have gone through this surgery procedure and I'm stuck at 30 pounds.  I know my Doctor said don't worry about what others say or think only listen to what I tell you and follow the plan.  So ok that's what I'm doing, following the plan.

Today marks a new milestone, Paul and I are going back to the gym.  We live in a small community called Washington City. (it's so ironic I think that I move from Washington State to Washington City, that must be a sign, lol).  Of course we are footsteps from St. George which is much larger, and has just been named the 9th best place to live for retirees.  Anyway I got sidetracked, we go to Washington City Community Rec Center, which is an amazing facility.  It has machines, like treadmills and bicycles, elliptical (the machines from Hell I think, but once I'm strong enough I'll be back on them they really burn the calories and give me a great work out, but right now I just don't have the stamina). I'm going to try and do 30 minutes on the treadmill and 15-20 on the weights.  I am sure I can manage that.

So I keep on keepin' on.  I feel like a broken record here but it's a whole new ball game and I'm trying my hardest to learn the rules as I go along.  And the kicker is the rules vary person to person.  So come on back, I'd love to have your support, and eventually I'm gonna shock us all when I say the scales are moving again!!  Oh and a final note I do see it in my clothes.  T-shirts that I had to put on the floor put my feet in and stretch out so maybe they wouldn't cling to my extended stomach just slip on like a dream now and don't hitch up my butt.  That's a good thing and believe me every little thing that's positive is a really good thing!

Positive Things in my Life that I'm thankful for today

1- I was brave enough to have surgery

2- I stick to my plan without fail

3- My clothes fit better

4- I HAVE lost 30 pounds

5- Every day my stamina returns a little bit more

6- I have family and friends that support my life style change

7- I got up this morning and the sun was shining

This, That and Everything

~~~The past does not have to be your prison

You have a voice in your destiny

You have a say in your life

You have a choice in the path you take~~~

                                                                                      Max Lucado

I have to tell you this journey is not as I expected it to be.  I thought the weight would just melt away, wouldn't you think when you're eating so little that i would have to just drop EACH DAY?  Well wrong!  At least with me anyway.  I really don't get it.  I eat so little but for this past week, since I saw the Doctor on Tuesday I just hover in the same spot, how can that possibly be?  I do not understand the nature of the body and it's strong handhold on keeping hold of the past.  I think my body just doesn't want to give it up and is fighting for the old me to return.  Well sorry Charlie that's not happening, eventually things are gonna have to turn around.  I'll be standing by until then. 

As much as I've tried to be careful on the amount I eat and how much I chew yesterday evening was the tell tale sign I forgot.  Not again in a long while let me tell you.  Dinner didn't agree with me, no let me rephrase that, it down right made me sick.  It was scallops which I'd had the day before as well and they'd tasted like heaven.  I'd done fine with them.  This time I think it was a combination of reheating in the microwave, you know how things can change texture once they are reheated and not chewing thoroughly.  Well some dinner barely made it down and the rest stayed lodged in what felt like 2/3's down my throat.  I have to tell you it was an awful feeling.  I almost felt like I couldn't breathe.  I kept talking to myself so I didn't panic.  I felt like I wanted to drink water and wash it down but knew I couldn't do that either.  Finally what went down came up again, and again, and again.... It took hours until I finally felt better and then not completely.  

I will be extremely careful going forward not to repeat this step.  It makes me want to run backwards to the mashed and smashed era I just left.  It's such a learning process.  This new body and my old mind.  Another cog in last nights wheel is I was watching the news while eating dinner and I think I forgot to chew the way we have to.  You have to be on top on the 'new habits' or the old ones just slip right in wanting to take over again. Distraction leads to the old ways so just beware.  It's not pleasant and not worth repeating!

Now to give you a funny, I hope I can explain it well enough, I was just thinking a few days back, since I'd really had no ill effects from eating except to feeling full fast, if I would have distress the way I'd heard others talk about or feel different if I ate the wrong thing or ate too much.  Funny how we think we're so unique and will be different than every other soul that's walked our same path.  Well I guess this proved to me, the hard way,  my body composition on the inside has been altered and will rebel if I don't follow the guidelines.  OK OK so I get it and I won't do it again anytime soon, if ever again!

Tomorrow Paul and I are going back to the guy,  I am going to walk on the treadmill and do some weights, starting at barely nothing.  Maybe this will be the jab my metabolism needs to give me a little umph and the prod my body needs to move it and loose it!