Walking Down Memory Lane

Nothing tastes as good

as a Normal size feels!

                                   Author unknown

I just finished a book, Stranger Here, by Jen Larsen, it's about her Weight Loss Journey.  It was good, I laughed a lot, it's a little out there in places but the gist of it is WLS doesn't change the 'who' that you are inside.  She talked about how she 'saw' herself on the inside.  It reminded me of eons ago when I was young.

I always thought I was so huge but when I graduated high school.  I weighed 150 lbs and was 5'6" tall, if I had had a BMI chart then I would have realized I fell in the normal range, something now I covert very badly.

I went out with a big strapping cowboy one night, a friend of my girlfriends.  We all ended up at a local park that had playground equipment, you know, slides and swings and all. He wanted me to slide down the slide and I said no, I was so afraid I wouldn't fit, you know it's that mental image thing that I  had in my head.  I'm sure I thought I was at least twice my size in other people's eyes.  If only I had known then, really saw what I looked like maybe I'd gotten hold of my weight instead of grown into that image I had plastered in my mind.

Anyway, I digress.  When I kept telling him no, he gave me one warning and told me if I didn't go down the slide he'd pick me up and put me down.  Well yeah right, I can still remember thinking he'd never try that I'd break his back.  BUT, he did it, he picked me up and hoisted me on that slide like I was nothing.  I still remember the amazement that welled up inside me at the knowledge he didn't keel over, wasn't winded and laughed the whole time.  Someone actually picked me up.

Well, that was 47 years ago and that memory is burned in my brain, I hadn't pulled it out for years until this book washed away the shadows and there I was in the air on the way down the slide.

The kicker is I guess is that I want my mental image and the reality image to come together but today, after reading this book for the past two days non-stop I wonder how long it will take for those to realities to collide and become one.   I read on one of the forums today about maintenance and reaching you goal weight.  That's something my mind never settles on, just seems to skim over because I can't imagine 'goal' or 'maintenance' I've never made it near there before.

Today the scales were kind, the second time this week, I'm down another 2 lbs.  That's 41 now people 41 pounds gone for good.   Logically, like Spook would say, I know this whole process is well, a process, of learning and accepting a new me, but it will take me a while to realize that 'goal' and 'maintenance' are real terms that down the road I'll have in my vocabulary as well.

Thanks for letting me share my walk down memory lane!

Two Month Check-Up

Be Patient

Hide your Scale

Don't compare yourself to others

Ride this ride for all it's worth

YOU ARE WORTH IT!

                                                  lifted from a forum post

I met with my Surgeon yesterday for my two month check-up.  I don't go back until July, at six months, that's a tad scary!

He's still at the point where I should not weigh or track a thing even the protein.  Fill up the palm of my hand (not literally, lol) mostly with protein and be good to go.  Eat 2 or 3 meals a day and concentrate on getting all my water in.  Seems way too simplistic to me but I'm sure his ultimate goal is that I learn by a visual of how much and what I can eat. I'm not sure I can not track things.  I'll try for a week and see how I do.

He said the same as all of you, stay off the scales.  So I'm determined to only weigh myself once or twice a week, instead of several times a day.  I was disappointed I wasn't down further on his scales since they always seem to weigh light. But it was mid-afternoon and I'd eaten two meals and drank a lot of water.

I'm having a lot of trouble with the swelling in my feet, sometimes up to my knees. I really didn't get a good answer for that either.  Keep a watch if it gets worse check with my family doctor or a cardiologist. Hmm, I wanted a little more than that.  

Next week we're going to hit the gym every day.  I'll still continue to do the treadmill the 3 days a week, it's all my knee can seem to handle at this point in time.  On the off days I'll hit the weights and see if I can start building up some muscle.

I did ask about his goal weight and we were spot on together.  Both wanting to get in the normal BMI range.  That's all I ask.  And, sigh, I've resigned myself it's going to take longer than I had thought.  But that's ok, there's no contest or race going on here, just pounds off to get to a permanently healthier me. After all it's taken me years and years to get where I am.

So that's the update, nothing exciting, just keep plugging along!

The Will to Win

The will to win, the desire to succeed, 

the urge to reach your full potential... 

these are the keys that will 

unlock the door to 

personal excellence.

                                              Confucius

I spoke to both my girls a couple of days ago on Facetime and both remarked that they could really begin to see a difference in my face and neck.  I'm seeing it too. The scales aren't down anymore but everything is changing.  The new sized clothes that were wearable but snug a week ago are loose today.  I see hanging skin, sigh, a new side effect I'm afraid, in my arms that was puffed up and full weeks ago.

So just for hee-haws I went back and found some pictures of me to share. Some, like the 2010 photo above were so hard for me to look at.  Wow did I look like that? Amazing how you ignore the fact of how big you are getting.  Perhaps that's why I hated having my picture taken.  I always had the camera in hand to take photos of others but hated them of me.

Here's the part of the photo I didn't want to show.  These are my girls, and look at me, I'm huge as a balloon.  The good thing is, even though right now I have tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat I know these days are gone.  I'll never have another photo taken where I look like this.  I remember getting around that day, and that was 5 years ago.  It was hard, I was tired.  No wonder.  With all this extra weight we as fat people don't move too much, it's too hard.

So onward and I'll end with the same quote I started with because it's so appropriate for how I'm feeling at this moment in time. The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential.  These are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.  Confucius was one smart cookie!

Was There an Earthquake??

The key to the game
is to change your behavior, 
your tastes and 
your lifestyle.
                                         Author Unknown

Yes!  I'm sure we must have had an Earthquake last night, enough it rocked the bathroom scales because they moved!  DOWNWARD!  And not just by one pound but two! Wowzer be still my heart I'm not sure I can stand the excitement, oh who am I kidding of course I can!

I'm having some issues with my feet and legs swelling so will talk to Dr Speakman about that next week as well as the longggggggggggg list of other things I have questions about. I've yet to find the rulebook of guidance for WLS patients.  It would be so nice to have an A-Z reference book of "this symptom is a result of that act".   I know I want it all spelled out in black and white.  Is that too much to ask for?  

I added Bear Naked Granola last night, only two tablespoons, to my Yogurt but it stayed put and gave me a little extra something in my stomach.  It's low in fat, the carbs are higher 11 per my 2 tablespoons so I'll have to watch when I'm eating it and with what else during the day.  It even had 3 almonds in it, I was so worried how they'd react.  That's on my list of "can I add nuts to my diet yet" questions. 

Yesterday was a day for several new things, Lean Cuisine dinner with turkey and green beans (thank you Miss Paula for telling me about this).  It's not turkey and gravy like my Momma used to make but that's what got me here in the first place.  It was soft, had some flavor and stayed with me, the turkey that is, the green beans were frozen and they never seem to cook well after being frozen.  Tough and chewy is enough to make me run in the opposite direction, the fear of my tummy rejecting it is enough to say, after just a few bites, nope not for me!

I also hunted for the elusive no fat/low fat cheese again yesterday.  I did find some Sargento Pepper Jack made with 2% milk.  I didn't get it.  Weight Watchers is better in the fat area but I only found it in slices and I'd rather have a chunk or grated.  I did stumble upon Velevetta made with the 2% as well.  And I got it and had it with my chili last night for dinner.  It also played nice with my insides and wasn't a bad choice, carbs are almost nil and fat is way down there.  I'll keep hunting, I've yet to hit the Nutrition Store, I just hear dollars and cents running screaming from my pocket when I go into those places.

Now just a little 'What am I thankful for' to leave you with today.  For all of you at an average weight this won't touch base with you.  For any of you struggling with lots of extra pounds you'll relate in a heartbeat.  I love a bath and I have a nice oval garden tub in our bathroom.  After a while I just gazed longingly at the tub but knew from prior experiences the fear of getting in and not being able to get out was far to great to test.  As the weeks post-op have progressed the long soaks at night in the tub have increased.  Now it's almost nightly.  I even came home yesterday with some Milk and Honey bubbles to add on occasion.  It's relaxing, feels so good and the best thing is I can get in and out with minimal struggles (those are usually related to how my knee is acting up).

The tub soaks are nice, being able to get in and out is nice but the real kicker is how easy it is to wash the bottoms of my feet or pull the plug to let the water drain.  For you 'normals' out there you're saying .... WHAT?  When you have a stomach on top of a stomach on top of a stomach reaching your feet bottoms is near impossible.  Reaching for the drain plug can be an exhausting accomplishment, another reason I began to quit taking baths.  Now it's nothing to scrub those calluses off my feet and pull the plug with no effort at all.  It's these NSV's (non-scale victories) that make this process oh so exciting. 

I'm waiting until the day I can say the water covered every inch of me.  Not yet, but it's approaching, I think two of my three stomachs (or at least most of the two) have melted away, that seems to be where the weight is leaving first, Woo Hoo, couldn't have picked a better place myself.  Now for the thighs please.................... 

Never happy am I????????

Have a fabulous Monday, a stupendous week, I know I am!

Changes, wonderful changes

That voice that you hear

that says 'you can't do it'

It's a LIAR!!!

Be Strong!  
You Can and You Will!

                                                                 Bariatric Pal Forums 

I hope I don't shock you all, posting two days in a row, lol.  I had such a wonderful experience today and just had to share it.

I was reading forums this morning, a new pastime of mine.  The gal was talking about how her Surgeon told her that some bodies just cling to the fat, won't let it go no matter what, the less you eat the more it slows your metabolism down to let go of fewer and fewer fat cells.

He suggested to move, move, move to jog the metabolism into a new place it's not used to be and cheat your body from hoarding the fat and keeping you from dropping pounds.

So today I thought, we aren't going to the gym so I should do something so I

• Mopped the kitchen and entry floors
• Washed and dried four loads of clothes
• Filled, cleaned and emptied the dishwasher
• Dusted and vacuumed the common areas in our home
• Cleaned the upright fan, Paul's computer and our fake tree on the front stoop with canned air and dusters
• took the round circular rug out in the front yard and pounded dust out of it

Now you might say, well good for you Patti aren't you ambitious.  But no, you don't get it yet, but I did and it was all I could do to keep from jumping up and down and laughing out loud.  These things before killed me, I was so winded, the sweat was dripping down my face, I couldn't breathe and today, I didn't even break a sweat.  The good thing is this is the way it's gonna be only it's going to get better and better with every inch and every pound that goes!

Woo Hoo Scales you can be as nasty as you want, things they are a changin'!  And, yes, I'm still smiling!

Supporting Networks

What is meant for you

will come to you, 

in exactly the right way.

                                            -Angels of Abundance-

Last night was the Bariatric Support group for WLS (weight loss surgery) patients.  I always go away feeling uplifted and with a few choice tidbits to stick away in my brain. This session focused on body image, not being so critical and damning to your own self and to appreciate how far you've come and the choices you've made. Hmm perfect topic for how I'd been feeling.  And of course it's fun getting to see the transformations in peoples outward appearances in a month's time, sometimes longer if they hadn't been to a meeting in a few months.

The other thing that always surprises me is how many new people show up interested or already in the first steps of this new lifestyle process.  Some are coming to glean information from those that have already had surgery.  Some are in the beginning, middle or just days from the surgery process itself.  Most have questions or comments to get everyone's mind thinking and sharing.  

The need is great and I wish the medical community would really get that into their noggin.  Just like drugs, or cigarettes, or any other numerous addictions food is one of the biggest culprits.  That lovely friend who comforted you on a lonely evening, or bolstered your ego in times of self doubt.  The friend who called you to the kitchen in times of boredom, the one that destroyed your health and had you eating, gorging, stuffing yourself when your body says please no more, I can't walk, I can't breathe, I can't function.  Yes that friend, that ugly troublemaker food needs to be addressed as a vicious attacker of your body, a slow killer that attacks you with so many side affects before claiming your life way before your time. The medical community at large needs to see food for so many as what it really is, an addiction that thousands upon thousands of people need help with.  It's slowly evolving but people lets step up the pace and help more people now!

OK so let's go beyond my rant today...................... the numbers are still SLOW!  Four pounds in four weeks, but hey, that's still four more pounds that are gone for good.  The amazing thing is the inches. We've taken them on the first of each month, January, February, March and since that first measurement in January I've lost  4 1/2" off my hips! No wonder I'm in clothes I bought years ago.  I wore a jacket last night, one I truthfully forgot I had until I was arranging my closet by size a couple weeks ago and stumbled upon it.  Last night I reached into the pocket and found a coupon dated 2010, five years ago and I doubt the jacket fit as well then as it did last night.  So even though the scales is really fighting to stay put the inches don't lie.  Things are changing.

I started off about the support group, one thing someone said last night, on a whole when the body is losing inches it isn't losing as many pounds.  That's what creates a stall, among other things, sounds good to me, I'll take that one and carry it along with me.  Positivity, that needs to become my middle name.  Paul says I focus too much on what I haven't accomplished, where I think I should be right now, instead of focusing on how much I've lost, the positive step of having WLS and the glorious fact that I'm 34 pounds lighter than I was at the first of the year.  

I spotted this on Facebook this morning, I think I need to post it on my fridge along with the tag and card I got from my dear friends Chrissie and Vicky this past week.  Wonderful friends on the other side of the globe that support me!  I truly am blessed and I am grateful for what I have and whom I  have in my life.

So here's my positive thoughts for this day

1. The sun is shining and it's going to be a beautiful early Spring Day - I'm blessed
2. I have a large support group that includes Paul, my family, my friends near and very far away - I'm blessed
3. I'm down one to two sizes depending on what I put on - I'm blessed
4. I can bend and tie my shoes without feeling like my body is being cut in half and I can't breath - I'm blessed
5. My face each day in the mirror is thinner, I can see it - I'm blessed
6. We're headed to the gym today, 3 times this week, and I can walk 45 minutes on the treadmill now - I'm blessed
7. I got up this morning and had my 1/2 cup of coffee - I'm blessed - - - for those of you that don't know coffee has always been my fuel, up to the night before surgery.  Then I tried it at 3 weeks post-op  OMG it was ghastly as it was at 4 weeks and 5 weeks.  But then my taste buds said ok, this is pretty good stuff and now I can enjoy my morning Zen moments with my hot cup of coffee and feel good about the day - - - yes I am really blessed!

I see Dr. Speakman on the 17th and already my list of questions is growing.  I'd really like some ballpark numbers for nutrition to guide me.  I'm tracking everything but have no idea, am I too high, too low?  Are these too many fat grams a day? should I add more carbs?  should I buy protein powder and sprinkle it on my food?  My protein is a given get it to at least 60 grams a day, I'm struggling but each day I wake up with the resolve to hit that number.  

Same with the water, 64 ounces a day, I have a new water container in the fridge, each morning I fill it to the 64 ounce level and start filling my water bottle from it, it's suppose to be bone dry by bedtime, I'm struggling some days with that as well.  But struggling is ok, it's when you say to Hell with it and give up that there's a real problem.  I won't do that, this is the only life I have and I've chosen to accept this glorious tool called Gastric Bypass to help me live the remainder of my years healthier, happier and with much more energy and passion for life than those years that have already passed.  

Yes I'm blessed!