Nerves they get you every time

Tomorrow, December 30, is D-day, I have my consult with the surgeon to get the go ahead for Gastric Bypass Surgery.  I am so full of nerves and just want it to be here.  I'm sure will it will be a YES but until I hear him say it and we get the surgery date set I'm still fearful.  I try not to think about the negatives and to stay positive but so much rides on this.  I've tried so many times to loose this extra person that rides around on my back.  I've lost the weight just shy of 100 pounds twice in my lifetime and who knows how many other 10's and 20's and 30's I've lost along the way as well.  What never stays permanent is keeping the pounds off, with a vengeance the pounds come back and bring their nasty relatives to live with me too.  Right now I think I've added a whole new community of pounds to my frame.  A community which has no business here and is really dragging me down down down.

I have no faith I can do it alone, This surgery is the tool I need to turn my life around, yes even at 65 I feel I can tip the scales, pun intended, and change my life, extend my years and OMG have mobility.  Freedom to move and be functional without the awful feeling of wondering if I'm going to keel over if I do anything.

I have no delusions this is going to be an easy process.  I've had that said in subtle ways by some that knew I was considering this.  What do they think the surgeon does his magic, I go home and voila the weight is gone?  People really can't be that stupid can they?  This is probably the hardest thing I will have ever done in my lifetime.  It's the final option for those of us that have battled the food addiction for all our lifetime.  And I don't care what any of you non-food addicts say this is an addiction.  The sad part is with food you can't just say well eliminate it from your surroundings like drugs or alcohol.  We've all got to have fuel to live and with fuel comes temptations, and with temptations come those little mind walkers, the ones that wander from one side of your brain to the other teasing you relentlessly that you need to eat, want to eat and will feel better after you eat. I think I'm most scared of how I'll handle them once the surgery is done.  I've talked to many who've already walked this walk and many tell me the mind hunger isn't as strong post surgery and lessons as time goes on.  I'm convincing myself that this will be the case for me too.

So the journey is soon to begin, stay tuned, I'll be back tomorrow with the good news!