It's a Date!

We met with my Surgeon, Dr. Jared Speakman, yesterday and he gave me the go ahead for surgery.  We set the date for January 16th!  Wow all this time waiting and now it will be here in a flash.

Next step --- Pre-Op diet!  Starting Friday, January 2, 2015 I'll be on a liquid protein diet. Options include Slimfast, Aitkens, Kirkland etc type of Protein drinks along with water and coffee.  This is a two week deal, right up until surgery.  The goal is to keep the Protein close to 60 grams a day and the calorie intake around 900-1200 calories a day.  I thought the reasoning behind this so interesting.  I'm finding I know little about the inside goings-on of my body!  By sticking to a High-Protein diet for two weeks prior to surgery I'll be eliminating a large portion of the fat from my liver.  The liver is lifted up and out of the way of my stomach during surgery.  Without the diet the liver is full of fat and heavy the end result of which can result in complications, possible extended hospital stay and longer recovery.  It amazes me how these organs work, that in two week period you can purge a large portion of the fat from the liver and shrink it resulting, usually, in a smoother surgery outcome.

I have to admit I'm a case of nerves.  I've been having lots of self talks with myself trying to keep myself focused on the positives and the whys of what I'm doing.  After all these years of battling the fat demon I'll now have a tool to help me not only loose the weight for good but also to continue to keep it off for the remainder of my life.

Don't get me wrong, I'm really not delusional.  I do realize this is a tool not a cure all.  It's only as good as I use it and continue to use it on a daily basis as the days roll into months and then the months to years.  

It's the old adage, one day at a time and then if that doesn't work keep moving it downward until it does, one hour, one minute.  For Heavens sake I can do anything positive for one minute?   

The idea of being able to move around so much more freely,  breathe without constantly feeling like there's not enough air, fit comfortably in a seat (like on an airplane, a friends house, a theater or sporting event, or a folding chair at a b-b-q), buy clothes like normal people do - OMG the list goes on and on and is so the leading factor of this whole process, besides the big one of course - I'm not ready to die yet.   I know I have no control over unforeseen events but this is controllable and can make such a difference in how my life continues.

One last thing for this post, what is it with people, why do the people who surround me or my family's living circle have to always find the gore and the negative?  Why is it you have to hear the negative 'well did you know this can happen' and  ' have you heard of the complications you can get from this' and 'did you know so and so had to have this this this done'. You know I think I'm a fairly intelligent person, I wouldn't have opted for this drastic of a solution if I hadn't explored (and failed) at all other options over the years.  I also am smart enough to know there are risks and there can be complications, but it's life people there are complications in all aspects of life!  

So it's with a nervous smile I tread forward!  Wish me well.

Positives that I might experience from surgery, taken from Obesity Help

Benefits of Weight Loss Surgery

• High Blood Pressure can often be alleviated or eliminated by weight loss surgery
• High Blood Cholesterol in 80% of patients can be alleviated or eliminated and in as little as 2-3 months post-operatively.
• Heart Disease in obese individuals is certainly more likely to be experienced when compared to persons who are of average weight and adhere to a strict diet and exercise regimen. There is no hard and fast statistical data to definitively prove that weight loss surgery reduces the risk of cardiovascular disease, however, common sense would dictate that if we can significantly reduce many of the co-morbidities that we experienced as someone that is obese, we can likewise that our health may be much improved if not totally restored.
• Diabetes Mellitus can usually helped and based upon numerous studies of diabetes and the control of its complications, it is likely that the problems associated with diabetes will be arrested in their progression, when blood sugar is maintained at normal values.
• Abnormal Glucose Tolerance, or Borderline Diabetes is even more likely reversed by gastric bypass. Since this condition becomes diabetes in many cases, the operation can frequently prevent diabetes, as well.
• Asthma sufferers may find that they have fewer and less severe attacks, or sometimes none at all. When asthma is associated with gastroesophageal reflux disease, it is particularly benefited by gastric bypass.
• Sleep Apnea Syndrome sufferers can receive dramatic effects and many within a year or so of surgery find their symptoms were completely gone, and they had even stopped snoring completely!
• Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease can be greatly relieved of all symptoms within as little as a few days of surgery.
• Gallbladder Disease can be surgically handled at the time of the weight loss surgery if your doctor has cause to believe that gallstones are present.
• Stress Urinary Incontinence responds dramatically to weight loss, usually by becoming completely controlled. A person who is still troubled by incontinence can choose to have specific corrective surgery later, with much greater chance of a successful outcome, with a reduced body weight.
• Low Back Pain and Degenerative Disk Disease, and Degenerative Joint Disease can be considerably relieved with weight loss, and greater comfort may experienced even after as few as 25 lost pounds.

Nerves they get you every time

Tomorrow, December 30, is D-day, I have my consult with the surgeon to get the go ahead for Gastric Bypass Surgery.  I am so full of nerves and just want it to be here.  I'm sure will it will be a YES but until I hear him say it and we get the surgery date set I'm still fearful.  I try not to think about the negatives and to stay positive but so much rides on this.  I've tried so many times to loose this extra person that rides around on my back.  I've lost the weight just shy of 100 pounds twice in my lifetime and who knows how many other 10's and 20's and 30's I've lost along the way as well.  What never stays permanent is keeping the pounds off, with a vengeance the pounds come back and bring their nasty relatives to live with me too.  Right now I think I've added a whole new community of pounds to my frame.  A community which has no business here and is really dragging me down down down.

I have no faith I can do it alone, This surgery is the tool I need to turn my life around, yes even at 65 I feel I can tip the scales, pun intended, and change my life, extend my years and OMG have mobility.  Freedom to move and be functional without the awful feeling of wondering if I'm going to keel over if I do anything.

I have no delusions this is going to be an easy process.  I've had that said in subtle ways by some that knew I was considering this.  What do they think the surgeon does his magic, I go home and voila the weight is gone?  People really can't be that stupid can they?  This is probably the hardest thing I will have ever done in my lifetime.  It's the final option for those of us that have battled the food addiction for all our lifetime.  And I don't care what any of you non-food addicts say this is an addiction.  The sad part is with food you can't just say well eliminate it from your surroundings like drugs or alcohol.  We've all got to have fuel to live and with fuel comes temptations, and with temptations come those little mind walkers, the ones that wander from one side of your brain to the other teasing you relentlessly that you need to eat, want to eat and will feel better after you eat. I think I'm most scared of how I'll handle them once the surgery is done.  I've talked to many who've already walked this walk and many tell me the mind hunger isn't as strong post surgery and lessons as time goes on.  I'm convincing myself that this will be the case for me too.

So the journey is soon to begin, stay tuned, I'll be back tomorrow with the good news!

Medicare has arrived!

November 3 - 2014

Tonight we went for a surgery seminar on the baratric services offered here in St George. Paul went too, I'm glad this is a dual partnership here where we both must understand the risks, the procedures and the life style changes that await.

November 4 - 2014

I got my AARP - United Healthcare (Medicare Supplement) insurance card in today's mail so now mid month I can call and schedule my appointment with the psychologist and nutritionist and then move forward.  Next step after that is the Pre-Op Seminar which will explain in more detail the two week liquid diet that starts the process.  At that time we'll also be able to schedule the Doctor's appointment and move toward setting up a surgery date.

I thought it was interesting last night that the Surgeon explained why the two week liquid protein diet.  Apparently within two weeks your liver can shed all the fat that is being stored there and makes the procedure much easier and with less difficulties.

If all goes according to plan -

• Two hour surgery
• One -Two day hospital stay
• 12 months to loose 70% of excess weight

All of these are generalities of which I hope I fall into.

Am I excited - you bet

Am I scared - you bet

Do I think I can do this - you bet

Change of Heart, Change of Mind

This blog sat here for a year, a whole year, I didn't write a thing. I tried to delete it a few months back and part of it deleted and part of it sat there on my blog list staring at me.  An omen?  A sign?  A hint?  Whatever tonight I finally decided I had to piece it back together and start again.  

Things didn't change from when I pulled the tote out from under the bed, the demon naggers in my brain won out and I gorged my already overflowing self more and more and more until I can honestly say I'm in the worst state I've ever been in and carrying the most weight I've ever had.  It was super hard to travel to Washington to be with my family this summer.  I was exhausted in the car and out of it.  I had stairs at my daughters to climb and thought I was doing Mt Everest.  I tried, as best I could, to hide from my family what kind of shape I was in and how I was feeling.  They aren't stupid they could see the extra pounds, see how I moved, see how short of breath I was.  It didn't take a brain surgeon to figure out I was slowly killing myself with food.

When I got home I knew things had to change.  I'd been to a Seminar at the Barartric Center here in town a year and a half ago.  Can you believe I was caught being too young, go figure!  The insurance I had wouldn't cover any costs which I would have paid out of pocket but the kicker was if I had any complications from the surgery they wouldn't pay for those either.  That kind of scared me. I've had family members have Gastric Bypass surgery and both had some type of post-op problems, one had another stint in the hospital getting things under control.  You just never know.  We are on fixed incomes and life is comfortable but there isn't hoard of extra to pay for excess elective medical bills.

I stayed after the informational seminar and spoke with the surgeon who suggested I just wait until I was 65.  At that time St George wasn't what was called 'A Center of Excellence' which was criteria for Medicare paying.  Since then Medicare has changed it's guidelines, the first Medicare Bypass was done here at Dixie Regional Medical Center in December 2013.  This means I can go here  - a ten minute drive from our house - instead of having to travel to Salt Lake City or Las Vegas. Thank goodness.  Just on a side note in the 14 months since I went to the first seminar St George has now applied to become a 'Center of Excellence' which means they have reached all the requirements to set them above other baratric centers for weight loss.

I find it so interesting that I live in this gorgeous Red Rock country that prides itself on all the outdoor activities available.  We have marathons galore including the St George Marathon, Golf Courses in every corner of the county, the Huntsman World Senior Games, the Ironman 70.3 St George and still we have so many people opting for Baratric Surgery.  I guess it just goes to show that our society as a whole has failed.   Fast food, satisfaction and stimulation of the senses by excess quantities of salt, sugar and fat have struck a majority of our population young and old. I'm not as unique as I think I am, I have way too much company.  I hope as generations come forward things will change, priorities will change.  With all the techno gadgets and a world of not having to lift your finger to do much of anything I worry that it could get worse.  But I have faith that those young people coming forward will see what a mess we've made of what our ancestors started and reverse the outcomes.  I saw on tv today a commercial for a McDonalds Happy Meal, a darling commercial advertising their newest addition - you know what it is?  it's a Cutie, a small orange little fingers can peel themselves.  It's a start and that's where all change begins with a start.

Invading Mind Buggers

Next week we're having our carpets and tile cleaned, a long overdue adventure!  Under the spare bed is a large plastic storage bin filled with clothes.  I haven't looked in it for almost 5 years since it was first shoved, out of site - out of mind under the bed.

Dust bunnies flew off like favored friends when I tugged and pulled and finally got it free.  Oh the distress of dust!  Why can't it just find another home to invade?

I had thoroughly intended to sort through and pass on the 'good' clothes, ones that had few traces of wear and tear and would appeal (still) to someone else's wardrobe.  So I drug the plastic tote (now mind you this thing isn't just a little tote, it's 4 feet long and almost 2 feet wide with wheels underneath) to my bedroom, (watching as dust floated here and there).  After removing the tell tale traces of my poor housekeeping I opened the lid and pulled out a nice vest, hmmm, they still make these don't they?

Amazingly though it, the vest, had shrunk, not just a little but my word, A LOT!  Who in God's name fit into this, oh wait, was that me in another life time????  OK, let's just shove that little piece of offending cloth back inside the box and pick something else.  These pants are nice, I remember this nice taupe color and the soft texture of the material, but again, so small.  OK now I'm pissed, I don't want to look at anymore clothes today.  I'll just drag this into my main closet and put all my shoes on top.

But I've seen inside!!!

I've been reminded!!!

Life has hit me smack in the face!!!

Somehow, over the course of the last ten years I've become the old me, the one I said I'd never let overtake my body again.  I've become the LARGE person, the BIG BONED person, the OVERWEIGHT person, the ...... oh God................ the FAT person yet again!!!

It really isn't a surprise, I'd like to say it is, but it's with me every waking moment, and I mean every day - every hour moments.  I go to bed at night hoping I wake up in the morning.  I get up in the morning promising myself a new day, a new me, a day in CONTROL!  And then morning starts --- the day begins and here I go again.

So let's get this post back on track, somewhat anyway.  The plastic tote is now stuck in my inner camera, that little piece of your brain that says, WAIT I saw that and I'm not forgetting it either.  As long as the tote stayed under the bed gathering dust bunnies it was only a figment of my past, now it's as bold and big as all outdoors and screaming at my inner child within me.

So as I'm taking my shower, combing hairs, putting on a new face, I'm thinking this is a sign, what to do; what to do.  "Make a blog:" that little demon voice says.  Just yesterday my youngest was telling me again at how good I am at putting words to paper (or pixel as the case may be).  Perhaps another (yes I already have 3 blogs) blog would help me put my fears and insecurities to rest.

Amazing I thought as a kid when I 'matured' -- 'grew up' -- 'became an adult' I wouldn't have all that baggage of those little voices inside telling me what to do and how to do it.  But they still are there, still ranting eat this, you need that, just one little bite.  I actually HATE them, no lie, I HATE those little buggers, if I could drag them to the outside I'd drown them with no adverse feelings at all.

So here I am, sitting at the keyboard letting the words flow.  Will it be a daily outlet? Who knows, but for today, it's a positive step in a much needed direction.  A stand up and take your medicine type of approach. Amazing how we can turn a blind eye to the things we don't want to face; the things we have difficulty changing.

So Goal 1:

I'm in charge, NOT the bugger voices pleading with me to give in and eat.

I'm in charge, I make the decisions!

I DO NOT have to listen to the demon voices pleading with me to get up and stuff an already full face!

I can do it, I can be the strong one.

After alll I'm the flesh and blood and they are just random thoughts, if I say no long enough they'll get the hint and move on elsewhere leaving my brain at peace.

Until next time, think positive and tell those little negative buggers in your brain to get out and stay out!

Hugs, Patti